Lessons from the stoics

The Stoics were ancient Greek and Roman philosophers who developed a school of thought called Stoicism, which emphasizes rationality, self-control, and aligning oneself with nature's order. Founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens around 300 BCE, Stoicism gained followers who believed that the path to a good life involved understanding what one can control (like one’s own thoughts and reactions) and accepting what one cannot (like external events). Stoicism teaches that emotions like anger, fear, and envy stem from faulty reasoning and that, by practicing wisdom and virtue, one can achieve inner tranquility regardless of external circumstances. It remains influential today, particularly in fields like psychology, resilience training, and self-help.

Here are a few themes and lessons that are thousands of years old, yet still applicable today!

1. Focus on what you can control.

Life presents us with countless situations that can feel overwhelming or frustrating, many of which are beyond our control. However, we always retain the power to control our own actions, thoughts, and responses. By focusing on what we can influence, rather than wasting energy on things outside of our reach, we empower ourselves to make meaningful changes. This shift in perspective can reduce stress and cultivate a sense of agency, reminding us that control begins within.

2. You control how you respond to things.

No matter what external circumstances arise, you have the freedom to choose your response. This idea, rooted in Stoic philosophy, emphasizes personal responsibility. While you can't always control events, you can decide how you react, whether with anger, calmness, or indifference. Mastering this ability leads to emotional resilience and a greater sense of peace, as you're no longer at the mercy of external forces but in charge of your own state of mind.

3. Ask yourself, "Is this essential?"

In a world filled with distractions and demands, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters. By regularly asking yourself whether something is essential, you can prioritize the most important things in your life and eliminate the unnecessary. This question forces you to evaluate tasks, relationships, and even thoughts, helping to declutter your mental and physical space. Ultimately, this practice leads to more focus, efficiency, and satisfaction.

4. Reflect on your mortality every day.

Contemplating mortality isn’t meant to be morbid; rather, it’s a reminder of life’s brevity and the importance of living with purpose. Reflecting on death daily, as many Stoics did, can inspire urgency and gratitude, helping you avoid procrastination and complacency. It allows you to embrace each moment with clarity and prioritize what truly matters, knowing that time is finite.

5. Value time more than money or possessions.

Time is the only resource you cannot earn back, while money and possessions can come and go. By valuing time more highly, you make decisions that enrich your life, such as spending time with loved ones, investing in personal growth, or engaging in fulfilling activities. This perspective shifts you away from materialism and towards experiences, memories, and the meaningful use of the limited hours you have.

6. You are the product of your habits.

Your daily routines and behaviors shape who you become over time. Positive habits compound into lasting success, while negative ones gradually erode your potential. Recognizing that you are the sum of your habits emphasizes the importance of being intentional in what you repeatedly do. By cultivating good habits, you set yourself up for growth and improvement, becoming the best version of yourself through small, consistent actions.

7. Remember you have the power to have no opinion.

In many situations, it's easy to get caught up in unnecessary judgments or reactions. However, you always have the option to remain neutral. By choosing not to form an opinion, you conserve mental energy and avoid unnecessary conflict. This approach can bring more peace and clarity, allowing you to focus on what truly matters rather than being swept into every passing drama or debate.

8. Go to bed early. Own the morning.

Waking up early can give you a head start on the day, allowing you to set your intentions, focus on self-care, and handle important tasks before distractions arise. But it all begins with getting enough rest. Going to bed early ensures that you’re well-rested and can rise with energy and focus. A strong morning routine helps set the tone for a productive, balanced, and purposeful day.

9. Put yourself up for review (Interrogate yourself).

Self-reflection is crucial for personal growth. Regularly reviewing your actions, thoughts, and decisions allows you to identify areas for improvement and correct course as needed. This process is like conducting an internal audit—ask yourself hard questions, assess your behavior, and hold yourself accountable. By putting yourself up for review, you ensure that you're continually learning and evolving, becoming more aligned with your values.

10. Don't suffer imagined troubles.

Our minds often fabricate worst-case scenarios or worries about things that haven’t happened and may never happen. By letting go of these imagined troubles, you free yourself from unnecessary stress and anxiety. Focus instead on the present and what you can handle today, avoiding the mental drain of "what if" thinking. This mindset fosters calmness, clarity, and a more grounded approach to life.

11. Try to see the good in people.

It’s easy to focus on others' flaws or mistakes, but cultivating a mindset that seeks out the good in people can transform relationships and foster greater compassion. By assuming positive intent and focusing on strengths, you build stronger connections and reduce conflict. This approach encourages empathy, understanding, and the recognition that everyone is doing their best with what they have.

12. Never be overheard complaining...even to yourself.

Complaining—whether aloud or internally—reinforces a negative mindset and can drain your energy. Stoics believed that complaining is futile because it doesn't solve problems or change situations. Instead, focus on taking action where you can or accepting what you cannot change. By reframing challenges and refusing to indulge in complaints, you build resilience and foster a more solution-oriented mindset.

13. Two ears, one mouth...for a reason (Zeno).

This saying emphasizes the importance of listening more than speaking. Effective communication and understanding come from careful listening. By speaking less and listening more, you learn more from others and avoid misunderstandings. This practice leads to greater empathy, deeper relationships, and better problem-solving, as you’re able to hear and consider different perspectives.

14. There is always something you can do.

No matter how dire a situation may seem, there is always an action you can take, even if it’s simply changing your mindset. Recognizing that you have agency, even in the face of obstacles, empowers you to keep moving forward. Whether it's a small step or a shift in perspective, taking action creates momentum and brings you closer to a solution, rather than leaving you stuck in helplessness.

15. Don't compare yourself to others.

Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for dissatisfaction and envy. Everyone has their own journey, struggles, and achievements, which makes comparisons irrelevant. Focus on your personal progress and goals rather than measuring yourself against someone else’s success. By avoiding comparisons, you maintain a sense of inner peace and self-acceptance, allowing you to grow at your own pace.

16. Live as if you've died and come back (every minute is a bonus).

This mindset invites you to embrace life with a sense of renewed appreciation. By imagining that you've been given a second chance, you start to see each moment as precious, inspiring you to live fully, take risks, and prioritize what truly matters. It shifts your focus from the mundane to the extraordinary, helping you to approach life with gratitude and a sense of urgency.

17. "The best revenge is not to be like that." Marcus Aurelius

When wronged by someone, the impulse for revenge can be strong, but Marcus Aurelius suggested that the best response is to rise above and not become what you despise. Instead of mirroring harmful behavior, maintain your own integrity and values. This approach frees you from bitterness and allows you to stay true to yourself, while also promoting a higher standard of behavior.

18. Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.

Holding yourself to high standards can drive personal growth, but it's equally important to be forgiving and understanding towards others. Recognizing that everyone is on their own path, with different experiences and struggles, allows you to be compassionate without compromising your own principles. This balance fosters personal accountability and kindness, both crucial for healthy relationships and inner peace.

19. Put every impression, emotion, to the test before acting on it.

Emotions and first impressions can be misleading, especially in moments of heightened stress or excitement. Instead of acting impulsively, pause and evaluate your feelings and thoughts before making decisions. This practice helps you avoid rash actions you might regret and allows you to respond more wisely. By testing your emotions, you develop greater emotional intelligence and self-control.

20. Learn something from everyone.

Every person you meet, regardless of their background or expertise, has something to teach you. This mindset opens you up to continuous learning and growth. Whether through their actions, ideas, or experiences, people can offer unique insights that help you expand your own understanding. By staying curious and humble, you enrich your life with diverse knowledge and perspectives.

21. Focus on process, not outcomes.

When you become overly fixated on results, you miss the importance of the journey. By focusing on the process, you engage fully with each step, which often leads to better outcomes naturally. This approach reduces the pressure of perfection and helps you enjoy the present moment, cultivating a mindset of growth and mastery rather than one defined solely by external achievements.

22. Define what success means to you.

Success is a deeply personal concept, and what it means varies from person to person. Rather than chasing society’s or someone else’s definition, take time to reflect on what success looks like for you. This could mean professional accomplishments, deep relationships, or a fulfilling inner life. By defining success on your terms, you ensure that your efforts are aligned with your true values, leading to a more satisfying and authentic life.

23. Find a way to love everything that happens (Amor fati).

"Amor fati," which translates to "love of fate," is a central Stoic idea about embracing everything that life throws at us—good or bad—as essential parts of our unique journey. Unlike mere acceptance or tolerance, amor fati encourages a proactive, even loving embrace of all experiences, including challenges and setbacks. To "find a way to love everything that happens" means to see each moment, especially the difficult ones, as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.

This concept encourages us to view every event, however painful, as necessary for our development and as aligned with the natural order. In the Stoic view, we don't control external events, but we do control how we interpret and respond to them. Stoic thinkers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius emphasized that by understanding and aligning with nature’s course, we can transform our perspective on hardship. Rather than resisting or resenting fate, we cultivate resilience by seeing obstacles as steps toward self-mastery and character-building.

Amor fati also ties deeply into the Stoic practice of gratitude, suggesting that by appreciating life’s difficulties, we cultivate a mindset that is less disturbed by change, loss, or uncertainty. This allows us to maintain peace in the face of adversity, viewing each challenge as not only bearable but also meaningful, even beneficial.